Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

Bradley Sands

Language: English

Pages: 112

ISBN: 1936383470

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


What the crap is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing on the cover of Rico Slade's book? This is Rico Slade's goddamn book. Rico Slade is not a bodybuilder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an action hero. 

Rico Slade doesn't care about the political climate. Rico Slade has an advanced degree in badassery. Rico Slade's favorite food is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat with his bare hands. 
But Rico Slade has a problem. His arch-nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on the Earth that will kill every human being except himself while leaving the world's currency intact. To save the planet, Rico Slade must journey across Hollywood to find Baron Mayhem. Unfortunately, Rico Slade's crime fighting style involves ripping out the throat of anyone who gets in his way, including grandmothers and Midwestern tourists.
As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the only person who can stop him from destroying the city is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. Until he does, Rico Slade will kill as many people as it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem's evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone.
RICO SLADE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.

Brutal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

to shout. He likes to give people headaches. He likes to sell bottles of aspirin at inflated prices. “But—” “No buts!” says Kent. “You can direct any complaints to my compadre with the missile who is currently occupying the bathroom.” “Please excuse me,” Rico Slade says to Esmeralda’s throat. His hearing is really quite good. Rico Slade walks to the bathroom door, knocks. The door opens. A man says, “What do you want?” His name is Leonard. He is Kent’s compadre. He is wearing a bad wig and a

being stuck on an expressway without a vehicle, because it is part of the script. Rico Slade gets in the monster truck, pounds down on the gas, and makes the traffic his bitch. Chip Johnson Temporarily Regains His Sanity to Find Himself Bruised, Bloodied, and Crawling on Top of a Car Shit. Harold Schwartzman Violates Traffic Laws “What you gotta do,” says the African American golfer, “is trick your lady into thinking you’re gonna leave her, not the other way around.” Harold Schwartzman

the ground and kick some freakin’ ass. Hell yeah! The whole world is counting on you.” “I can’t do it, Rico Slade.” “Shut up, fag! Do you believe in God? Government? Hot chicks? The puddle of blood you’re floating in?” “I guess so.” “If you believe in that shit, you’ve got no choice but to believe in yourself.” “I believe in myself!” Chip tries to stand, fails. “I believe in myself, but I can’t get up.” Rico Slade scowls, says, “This is gonna hurt you more than it’s gonna hurt me,” pulls

Rico Slade did know. Rico Slade thinks Leonard might be mildly retarded. Leonard opens the hatch. He is sucked out of the plane. He falls through the air. He smiles, says, “Now everyone dies!” He frowns. “Next time I’ll remember to pay attention to the pre-flight safety demonstration.” He falls to his death. Honey roasted peanut wrappers fly around the plane. The passengers are terrified. They would be even more terrified if they weren’t wearing seatbelts. Rico Slade and Kent are clinging to

Universal is incredibly lame. The pediatrician thinks it’s the greatest restaurant on Earth. Harold is wary of grown men who think The Universal is the greatest restaurant on Earth. He thinks they are pedophiles. The pediatrician’s career choice is starting to make a lot of sense to him. Between each bite of his kid’s meal spacedog, the pediatrician gawks at a cute redheaded girl with pigtails. Harold wonders if he should get a policeman. Why are there so many policemen in here anyway? There

Download sample

Download