The Chronicles of Lucifer Jones, Volume 4: 1934-1938, Hazards
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
After his Adventures in Africa, his Exploits in Asia, and his Encounters in Europe, everyone’s favorite man of the cloth is back to tell you about the Hazards he encounters in South America. They include the terrifying Island of Annoyed Souls, the discovery of the Lost Continent of Moo (spelled correctly for a change), a battle with safari ants that even Charlton Heston wouldn’t want any part of, and a pair of Bird Girls who live in matching Chartreuse Mansions.
You’ll meet some old friends such as Capturin’ Clyde Calhoun, old heartthrobs such the Scorpion Lady, old rivals such as Major Theodore Dobbins and Rupert Cornwall, an old nemesis (the remarkable Erich von Horst), a pair of naked high priestesses (or goddesses, take your choice), the sinister Dr. Mirbeau, the incredibly wealthy and incredibly undesirable Baroness Schimmelmetz, and a score of others–-including Bubbles, an anaconda with an attitude.
And making his way through these hazards is the irrepressible Right Reverend Honorable Doctor Lucifer Jones. So come along–you don’t want to miss the fun!
see what I was talking about. “Bubbles!” she cried. “Go back to your dog house!” Bubbles looked plaintively at her. “Now!” Bubbles gave my legs one final squeeze for good measure and crawled off. Valeria watched him slither off, and since her attention was took elsewhere, I gave her a delicate little pinch in a delicate little place to see if I could encourage her to get off me, and all I can tell you is that if basketball players could jump like that they’d have to give serious
his strongbox but a bunch of seashells. Still, he was the father of the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I just handed it back and explained that I couldn’t take such a treasured item, and if he had some gold or diamonds lying around I’d be happy to settle for some of them instead, and he laughed like I was making a joke and slapped my back and allowed that maybe my parents shouldn’t have drowned me at birth after all. And then I
seemed in keeping with my own thoughts on the matter. “They know Meloshka was shot near the Casa Medina. They suspect that he saw me before he died, but they don’t know it for a fact, so they are watching my every movement, waiting for me to retrieve the jewels. “ “So you want me to go to the college for you and get this thing translated into something resembling English?” I said. He shook his head. “At least one of them will follow anyone who leaves my room. If they see you heading to the
for eleven years,” he explained. “It seems she fell off a boat in crocodile-infested waters with no one to save her or pull her out.” “Poor thing,” I said. “All alone, was she?” “Except for me.” He shook his head in wonderment. “To this day I don’t know how the crocs could stand to get that close to her.” “Ain’t you also got an adopted son?” He nodded his head. “Horace. An ugly, foul-mouthed little brute if ever I saw one. I finally sent him off to military school.” “Back home to Britain?” I
yourself in that tub, Scorpion Lady sweetie,” I said. “Why don’t you avail yourself of one of the perks I mentioned earlier?” “They’re getting deported almost faster than I can avail myself,” I replied. “Then there’s no time to waste, is there?” But then I got to thinking about it, and I realized that there wasn’t an endless supply of fallen flowers, and somebody had to do something to make sure that these poor frail critters weren’t all shipped off to godless lands, so instead of introducing